Feeling Scared About Having Another Child

Having a child is an amazing experience, but it is also bloody hard work and changes your life drastically forever. As I have mentioned before I had always planned on having another baby when my first was around two years old. I wanted them to be close in age and I wanted to be as young as possible whilst having my children. After trying for so long to get pregnant the first time I ended up nowhere near the young age I had thought I would be.

But still as Ava approached two years old there was still no chance I wanted another child anytime soon. The thought of going through all of the most challenging parts of raising a baby, as well as pregnancy again at that point was not something that I was ready for.

Feeling Scared About Having Another Child

Now that we have decided we are ready to have another child the thought of actually having and looking after two children has become more real, and I am feeling quite scared about it. On the one hand Ava is now old enough to help me with things like grabbing a nappy for me or helping to entertain her brother or sister; but on the other she is older and more opinionated and stubborn, and can run away from me pretty fast if she decides to. She will also be starting school next year, and so I will be doing the school run and more scarily getting us up and ready in the morning, with two children. I don’t sleep well and so really struggle to get up in the morning to take Ava to nursery, so the thought of having been awake all night with a newborn, and then doing all of the normal stuff is pretty terrifying at the moment.

I think the biggest thing that I am worried about is going through all of the tough bits again. Parenting to me (as well as all the good stuff) has felt like getting through one really difficult bit to go straight to another. I always thought being a mum would come naturally to me, but it doesn’t really feel like it has, which not only makes me feel sad, but also scared for the next time and coping with two.

I think a lot of it is because of sleep deprivation; Ava was always a bad sleeper, and didn’t ever sleep through until after she was one and a half. The days I have got more sleep have always been so much easier and I felt so much more capable. It’s horrible that on some days just feeding your baby or trying to get out of the house can feel so incredibly difficult and make you feel like a rubbish parent, just because you are particularly tired. I hate that whether I feel like a good mum or a crap one is completely out of my control, and is totally dependant on how much sleep I’ve had.

I know that despite all of these worries that I will cope, even if I feel like I’m not coping sometimes. It will be amazing seeing Ava with a little brother or sister. She really can’t wait to be a big sister and I know she’ll make a brilliant one; she is so loving, caring, and kind; and I can’t wait to see them snuggling up together, and later on playing together. We’ll be ok, and it will all be worth it.

If you have more than one child were you scared before having another? If you only have one how do you feel about having another – do you think you’ll cope fine or are you a bit nervous like me?

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  1. Bec
    October 24, 2015 / 7:15 pm

    I felt the same for a long time, but the urge to have another baby got the better of my anxieties! My daughter will be 4 by the time my new baby will be born and I actually think that’ll make for a good gap – she’ll be old enough to understand a bit more and by the time the baby is 6 months old she’ll be at school so I’ll get some one on one time with the baby. Yes there are times I worry about how it will work – and this pregnancy is harder than the first so I’ve already had a few ‘is this the right thing’ wobbles – but I’m told by lots of friends that it is easier with the second. I’m clinging onto that! Best of luck with it all.
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  2. October 25, 2015 / 7:38 am

    I was exactly the same as you – wanting 2 children and wanting them close together. It was only when I was pregnant with my second that I starting panicking about how hectic it was going to be! It IS hard, especially with sleep deprivation, however I think second time around you automatically just get on with it and you are so much less anxious than the first time. I can only speak for myself of course. I’m just hoping to get the hardest years out of the way in one swoop!! By the way, when you say you don’t think motherhood came naturally for you, I don’t agree :) You’ve more than survived each stage and have a beautiful daughter to show for it – you’ve naturally adapted to motherhood and you’re carefully considering your second child and the impact it will have on Ava as well as the whole family before making a rash decision. Sounds like you’re a natural at motherhood to me :) Mim x
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  3. Zara
    October 27, 2015 / 10:46 am

    I never wanted any, then I had one and now I have three. The gap between 1 and 2 was 4 years and that was a pretty good gap, made things easy but we still had a lot of normal hurdles. the gap between 2 and 3 is just about two years and it can be a nightmare BUT somehow you have all these skills that you hadn’t even realised and you manage to just ‘get on with it’ most of the time. Like Mim says though, the sleep deprivation does have an impact on other things and while the nerves about expanding your family might seem huge now, once you do it you begin to wonder why you worried in the first place. xx
    Zara recently posted..Why We Should Stop Asking ‘Are You Enjoying Motherhood?’My Profile

  4. October 28, 2015 / 12:53 pm

    I was terrified to have a second, and to be honest I really only wanted one, I had a horrible labour and birth with the first and she was very hard work and I was happy with our family of three, but I didn’t want my daughter to be an only child so we had another. In some ways I wish I’d followed my instincts, I know now that my older child would have been fine as an only child, but I would wish my other daughter away EVER, shes amazing.
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  5. Renna
    October 28, 2015 / 10:20 pm

    I was scared about having two, and, no lies, it’s really hard for about two years, and then, it all gets better. Mine play together so nicely. The older they get its so lovely to
    watch the older one look after and teach the younger one.
    Having two then becomes easier than having one. They have a permanent friend, and when you hear them giggling together and playing, it’s the best feeling ever. Xx

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