Having a child is an amazing experience, but it is also bloody hard work and changes your life drastically forever. As I have mentioned before I had always planned on having another baby when my first was around two years old. I wanted them to be close in age and I wanted to be as young as possible whilst having my children. After trying for so long to get pregnant the first time I ended up nowhere near the young age I had thought I would be.
But still as Ava approached two years old there was still no chance I wanted another child anytime soon. The thought of going through all of the most challenging parts of raising a baby, as well as pregnancy again at that point was not something that I was ready for.
Now that we have decided we are ready to have another child the thought of actually having and looking after two children has become more real, and I am feeling quite scared about it. On the one hand Ava is now old enough to help me with things like grabbing a nappy for me or helping to entertain her brother or sister; but on the other she is older and more opinionated and stubborn, and can run away from me pretty fast if she decides to. She will also be starting school next year, and so I will be doing the school run and more scarily getting us up and ready in the morning, with two children. I don’t sleep well and so really struggle to get up in the morning to take Ava to nursery, so the thought of having been awake all night with a newborn, and then doing all of the normal stuff is pretty terrifying at the moment.
I think the biggest thing that I am worried about is going through all of the tough bits again. Parenting to me (as well as all the good stuff) has felt like getting through one really difficult bit to go straight to another. I always thought being a mum would come naturally to me, but it doesn’t really feel like it has, which not only makes me feel sad, but also scared for the next time and coping with two.
I think a lot of it is because of sleep deprivation; Ava was always a bad sleeper, and didn’t ever sleep through until after she was one and a half. The days I have got more sleep have always been so much easier and I felt so much more capable. It’s horrible that on some days just feeding your baby or trying to get out of the house can feel so incredibly difficult and make you feel like a rubbish parent, just because you are particularly tired. I hate that whether I feel like a good mum or a crap one is completely out of my control, and is totally dependant on how much sleep I’ve had.
I know that despite all of these worries that I will cope, even if I feel like I’m not coping sometimes. It will be amazing seeing Ava with a little brother or sister. She really can’t wait to be a big sister and I know she’ll make a brilliant one; she is so loving, caring, and kind; and I can’t wait to see them snuggling up together, and later on playing together. We’ll be ok, and it will all be worth it.
If you have more than one child were you scared before having another? If you only have one how do you feel about having another – do you think you’ll cope fine or are you a bit nervous like me?