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As a mother I never feel like I am as good as I should be. I’ve wanted a baby for a long time and I always thought motherhood would come naturally to me. But I constantly compare myself to others, and never feel good enough. I even compare myself to older family members and think they must not have had the same struggles as me and were better Mothers. I think it’s because no-one really talks about how hard it is or was for them (and perhaps don’t remember how hard it actually was).
I wonder how everybody else does it… Seriously, WHEN do you all find the time to paint your nails and do your hair so prettily??? A messy bun is my best friend. And no, I don’t mean like a stylish messy bun, I mean like a bits-sticking-out-all-over-the-place, could-do-with-a-wash-or-at-least-a-brush messy bun. I’m jealous. I want to curl my hair and at least have time to cut my nails if not paint them.
I’ve been a mum for 7 months now and I still feel like I’m not very good at it yet. Of course everybody doesn’t share the bad bits of their lives all the time on the internet and their daily struggle to get their bubs to nap. But why don’t women talk about how difficult being a mum can be and how tough it was for them? I seem to find out little snippets every so often by chance but not usually when I’m desperate for someone to say “oh yes, I too struggled to find the time to feed/breastfeed/get to sleep/wash/change/play with the baby and wash/dress/feed myself and do housework and manage to actually go anywhere in between all of that. Oh and occasionally find time to pee”.
Sleep (or lack of it) is a massive part of it. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture afterall. The days after I’ve had a decent amount of sleep (few), seem SO much easier, everything seems to go more smoothly and I feel like ‘yep, I CAN do this parenting malarkey, it’s pretty easy actually’. But the days after no sleep are so often really hard. Everything, even the things I do all day everyday (changing nappies: please just bend your legs for me little love, no don’t roll over again, oh you peed all over your clean clothes again…sigh) are a challenge and stressful.
Today is one of those days. Can you tell?
Share your struggles in the comments below so we can all feel rubbish better together!
Welcome to Birds and Lilies! I'm Lou: mother, blogger and freelance writer. This is my lifestyle blog, where I talk about motherhood, infertility and IVF, beauty, my love for food and wine, as well as my thoughts about stuff, and our real-life and travel adventures.
Contact: [email protected]
Hello! I stumbled onto your blog in an odd way, I am a new internet marketer and I read an article that your mom wrote, which sent me to Twitter and then to yours! I love your blog and it’s really well done and your little one is just the sweetest! Congrats on becoming a new mum! I am leaving this comment because I read your post about being unsure of yourself as a mum and not feeling you are good enough and comparing yourself to other mums. I have not had a little one in a very long time – my two boys are now 18 and 16 (OMG time FLIES!) I had them at 25 an 27 and NONE of my close friends had babies and I didn’t know any new mom’s my age, or any age for that matter and I felt really alone and really lost at times. It made me remember those days and how I would have given anything to share the ups and the downs with others. The new moms I met seemed to do it all and do it with no problems. They loved everything about being a mom, had the best husbands and didn’t talk about insecurities they had. Was I the only one? Now I know better. They just lied or put up a front, or whatever and I think it is a shame. Sharing the good the bad and the ugly can make for a much more honest relationship and make you see you aren’t alone and you aren’t doing things as poorly as you think. I think you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself and you are beautiful even on those days when you can’t find the time for a proper shower, etc. The internet was just taking off when I was a new mom and I would have loved to have someone like you to share the ups and downs with back then. You aren’t alone, we all think we aren’t doing it right, or doing enough, or really need an uninterrupted sleep just ONE night. Please write me if you ever need to vent, rant or whatever. We need to support one another when we can! If you don’t, that’s okay too. I just felt compelled to reach out to you. Take care and all the best to you and your family!!
Oh my goodness Carol, you just completely made my day with this lovely comment and the very first comment on my blog! What a wonderful thing to wake up to! Thank you so much for your kind words and your support, and thank you for sharing your experience. You are right, I know you are, it is just hard to remember when you are struggling and no-one else seems to be, but it helps to be reminded, so thank you.
I am hoping to get out to some mum and baby groups this week to meet some new people. Even though I’m scared I know Ava will love it (she’s fascinated by other babies), so I’m really going to try and go.
Are you on Facebook? You can email me at [email protected] to let me know if you like 🙂 Thanks again for taking the time to comment and all the best to you and your family as well x