5 Things I’ve Learnt So Far As a Mother

Motherhood is hard. Especially when you are a new mother, and every day brings new challenges and experiences. It’s absolutely worth it of course. It is such a huge learning experience, and we all see and do things a different way, and we should all support each other in that.

5 things I've learnt as a mother

I haven’t been a parent for that long, and I certainly don’t know it all (who does!), but here are five things I’ve learnt so far as a mother:

– Try different things and see what works for you and your family. If something isn’t working, try something else. Just because the books/your family/other parents tell you it should be done a certain way doesn’t mean they are right. Trust your instincts.

– NEVER judge. You never know how you will feel or how you will do something once you are a parent yourself or you are going through the same thing. We are all just trying to do our best and we all have different views about what that might be. There isn’t only one right way. And it’s horrible to feel judged as a parent when you are already judging yourself enough. I think it is human nature to judge people based on our own perceptions and what we feel strongly about sometimes. But keep your judgey pants to yourself. Years ago I judged someone for keeping their 6 month old baby out late at a friends house. I thought it meant she was putting herself before the baby (who was perfectly happy or asleep the whole time). Now I would have done the same when Ava was younger and she would sleep anywhere. It’s about what works for you. I still feel bad for judging her when I had no right, even though she never knew about it. (Little side note: even if she DID put herself first, that’s ok too – we all need to do that sometimes or we’ll go crazy)

– It’s just a phase. Everything is just a phase.

– No matter how prepared and ready for parenthood you think you are, you will never really be ready. I don’t think you can be. We went through four years of trying to conceive and two rounds of IVF. I have never wanted something so much in my entire life. And yet, I was in no way prepared for all of the changes motherhood would bring, and the whirlwind that entered my life! It’s crazy. But that’s ok… you learn as you go along.

– You might not be the type of parent you thought you would be. I babywear, did baby led weaning, breastfeed still at 14 months, and co-sleep often. That would possibly suggest I am a bit of a hippy mum, although I really don’t think I am. But I never thought I was the type of person that could potentially be described as a hippy! You’ll always have ideas of what kind of parent you want to be, but until that babe is in your arms and you have to make decisions that will affect that little bundle, you don’t really know how you want to do things. And even when you do, you might not be totally sure. I’m starting to look at other things in a whole new light now that I’m a mother, and am thinking about how I want to approach certain aspects of parenting when we come to them when I thought I already knew. Don’t let those preconceptions you originally had affect the parent you want to be once you actually are one.

Now, I’m going to put my fringed skirt on and dance around a rock…. so long hipsters!

Please share what you’ve learnt as a parent, I’d love to know.


  1. April 4, 2013 / 9:18 pm

    This was an awesome post Louise! As a father I learned that I automatically became a full time mentor and teacher whether I was ready or not. I also had to remember I am always being watched by other people, other parents, and especially my kids! You always need to be careful what you say or do around them. You are teaching your kids to be like you. Give them your best and always be on your best behavior :)

    • April 11, 2013 / 3:57 pm

      Thanks so much Charles! They are all great lessons you have shared. A is just at that age where she has started to try and copy what we say and what we do so I am very aware of that at the moment. Got to set a good example haven’t we?! Thanks for commenting :)

  2. April 14, 2013 / 7:28 pm

    B thank you for this, although I must confess I like to judge! And I always say that everything is just a phase, Bee

    • April 17, 2013 / 2:51 pm

      Thanks for commenting Bee! I think we all like to judge a bit secretly! :)

  3. May 21, 2013 / 10:25 pm

    Great post! We conceived through IVF after three years – twins! And yes, all planning goes out the window. I like the “trying new things” message best. It is so true. My sons open my eyes every day and have helped me to stretch myself in ways I could have never dreamed. Such a gift.
    Liz recently posted..Better than ButterfatMy Profile

    • May 23, 2013 / 2:47 pm

      Thank you Liz. Congratulations on your twins, that’s lovely to hear. I bet twin boys are a wonderful handful! It certainly is a gift, I think becoming a parent can be the making of us.

    • May 23, 2013 / 2:49 pm

      Thank you for hosting it! It IS so easy to judge but really we have no idea! I’ve followed you too, thanks for commenting :)

  4. May 29, 2013 / 3:05 pm

    Hi Louise, a really good read and such understanding point of view. So right about judging, parenting is difficult, it’s very hard to be right all the time when you are on a journey of learning every day and even minute. The good thing about parenting is you’re too busy to notice others judging you when your doing such an important job!

    • June 3, 2013 / 3:58 pm

      Thanks so much Stacy. Exactly, goodness, can you imagine if we knew what everyone was thinking about us all the time?! Horrible! I like the quote “What other people think of you is none of your business” (or something like that!). Thanks for commenting :)

  5. May 29, 2013 / 4:26 pm

    This is a lovely post! I’m not a mom yet (someday hopefully), but I really appreciate it when the blogging moms I read are honest about the joys and difficulties of motherhood. Thanks so much for sharing!
    Jane recently posted..Letting Go and Letting in the LightMy Profile

    • June 3, 2013 / 4:00 pm

      Thanks Jane. I do think its really important for people to talk about the difficult bits as well as the good bits, because there certainly are a lot! And tons of good parts too of course. Thanks for your lovely comment.

  6. July 18, 2014 / 12:20 pm

    Never judge, so true. Pre children I was like, I’d never let my child do that, that and this… cue the birth of one VERY spirited son with a will of iron steel. It was like one big slap in the face ;)
    Debra recently posted..in search of romansMy Profile

  7. July 19, 2014 / 12:10 am

    Everything is just a phase: so true! Some phases are longer than others, but the ‘bad’ moments do not last forever. Mel ‘PoCoLo
    Mel recently posted..The Allergy & Free From Show 2014My Profile

  8. December 10, 2014 / 8:43 pm

    Yes x 5! Great post. You are never prepared and I definitely don’t do all the things I thought I would do. Trusting your instincts is so important. Thanks for linking up to #TheList x
    You Baby Me Mummy recently posted..What Baby Rocked NovemberMy Profile

  9. February 8, 2015 / 3:58 pm

    A great post and I particularly agree with the never judge point. We never know what is really going on or how we might be if we were in that situation. Also every baby is different so what works for one, may not work for another.
    Life with Six Kids recently posted..First Valentine’s Day after divorceMy Profile

  10. February 8, 2015 / 7:02 pm

    This is a great post, very good advice here. I definitely agree with the ‘no judgement’ part. It’s really hard not to judge, I found myself doing that on holiday – how can all these parents keep their young children out until 10/11pm at night, it’s a terrible thing to judge others and I am working hard not to do it, we don’t know the circumstances, we don’t know if that is there only night out, this first holiday in years.
    Kat x #SundayStars
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  11. February 9, 2015 / 12:55 pm

    “Never judge” is so true. It’s all too easy to catch a fellow parent at a bad moment, or to judge another’s methods through the filter of our own, as if there’s only one way to do things right. Parenting can be tricky enough as it is without other parents being critical or judgmental – far better to support and understand in my book.
    Tim recently posted..A perfect SundayMy Profile

  12. April 23, 2015 / 8:35 pm


    Becoming a parent changes you and helps you to realise who you actually are. I never really thought that much about becoming a mum before I gave birth (despite trying to conceive for quite a long time), but i do know that I have done things that i have never imagined i would do. The world turns on its head and you realise what is important to you.
    Pen recently posted..My parents are superheroesMy Profile

  13. April 25, 2015 / 7:01 am

    As a fellow fertility-challenged parent i’m so with you on this one – sometimes when the mama guilt hits after an episode of impatience/frustration i feel so ungrateful after all the wishing and waiting! you’re spot on with the phases point too – my mother always says to me ‘this too will pass’. thanks for linking up at #sharethejoy

  14. September 28, 2015 / 11:47 am

    All excellent points but the first two in particular are key for me and go hand in hand. For myself, it was the early realisation that nobody’s children or parenting experiences work out exactly like the books say (especially Gina bloody Ford’s books) – while they’re useful as a guide to what to expect or aim for, that’s all they are – a guide. There’s no one ‘right’ way to be a parent, and one of the key skills is definitely knowing when to change the rules of the game to adapt to what’s best for your family.

    Equally, that means not judging ourselves or others. Few things wind me up as much as those who judge you because you’re doing things differently (for which, read ‘worse’) to them. One parent’s tried and trusted method might not work for someone else and parenting isn’t a competition. We’re all doing the best we can.
    Tim recently posted..My Sunday Photo: No, I’m not Bert ViolaMy Profile

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