Hello! How are you?
I am feeling really shitty today but I’m not really sure why. I think I’m probably just really overtired; I went to bed rather late last night and kept waking up lots because of the heat and so I am feeling low as hell.
You know those days where you are just irritated by everything and everyone? That’s how I am today. Every other driver on the road is crap and slow and annoying, and everything online is winding me up. I feel like I need a day off from life to just snuggle up with a good book, or watch telly all day, and ignore all my responsibilities. Isn’t it crazy how a lack of sleep can affect your mood so drastically? Although it’s probably those damn hormones as well making me feel this shitty. Damn things.
It doesn’t help that I’m feeling worse about myself than I ever, ever have done. Since being pregnant for a very short amount of time my body has just seemed to expand more and more and it’s been harder to shift than ever before. It’s like my body thinks I’m still pregnant and so is growing proportionately as time passes, which is a big old fucker for sure. I feel horrid in all my clothes and yet I don’t have the motivation or energy to make myself exercise. It’s in my head all the time, knowing that I need to do it, and knowing how quickly I will start to feel better once I do start, but I just can’t get there and it’s pissing me right off.
I’m still hurting of course about everything that happened and I obviously think about it a lot. But I’m okay I think. It feels like ages ago that it happened actually, and it almost feels like none of it was really real. It’s all a blur.
I’m glad it happened at this time of year, because I don’t think I’d have really coped (although I wouldn’t say I’m always coping to be honest) if had been the middle of winter. I get low enough as it is then.
Ava is pretty hard work at the moment, since we came back off holiday really. She screams at us a lot and acts like a teenager most of the time, being rude and attempting to do what the hell she wants. I’ve been finding it quite hard.
So yeah, life feels a bit shit at the moment and I’m struggling some of the time. I’m sure it will get better soon though and I’ve got lots to look forward to. I know I’m very lucky and I really do appreciate that, especially with all the horrendous things going on in our amazing country lately. I’m just having a crap old day and I felt like letting it all out!
I feel a bit better now, so I’m going to sit down with some (more) Cava and watch some Big Little Lies before having an early night. Thanks for listening!