Pregnancies, Infertility, and Still Hurting

Years ago, before I had my daughter I used to get so jealous when I heard about someone else being pregnant. Whether it was a celebrity, someone I actually knew, or a randomner on the street, I was insanely jealous, but more than that it hurt like a bitch.

pregnancies, infertility, and still hurting

We tried to have a baby for four years and had two rounds of IVF to get our daughter, and throughout all of that time (and probably before that – I was always a broody bugger) I was really drawn to pregnant women. I’ve always thought pregnant women were beautiful and I love seeing them, they always just seem so special and amazing. But there was always this mix of thinking how wonderful it was, and at the same time being incredibly upset that I wasn’t in the same position as them. And of course when I was trying for a baby, pregnant women were freaking everywhere.

The thing is though, I still get a bit upset when I hear someone is pregnant, particularly when it is someone close to me. It’s completely daft, and my overwhelming feeling is happiness for them, but it always, always hurts when I find out someone is pregnant. I’m jealous, and I feel slightly funny for a bit. And then feel like a bitch for feeling like that. I guess it’s just a lingering feeling from automatically feeling that way for so long, and trying to have a baby being such a big part of my life, but it doesn’t feel like it’s ever going to go away.

The stupid thing is I have been ridiculously happy for my friends who have got pregnant, like, so, so delighted for them. And I have wanted my friends to have babies since having Ava (it has taken them a LONG time!); I literally longed for the days when my friends would start making the babies. So how can I be so overwhelmingly happy about something, and yet still be a tiny bit upset? It’s bloody silly, and pretty frustrating. I *just* want to feel happy for them, not happiness tinged with a bit of selfish nonsensical sadness.

And now we may potentially have IVF again this year, and it’s become a PREGNANT PEOPLE AND BABIES ARE EVERYWHERE scenario again. I’m happy for every single one of them (especially my amazing friends) but I’m also desperately jealous and want my own newborn in my arms right this second please.

me and baby Ava

It’s such a weird thing. I hope that once I decide my family is complete that I stop feeling this way, and can just be happy for people again, because I really am SO happy for them. But until then I suppose I just have to accept that this is how I feel, it’s probably completely natural (is it?) and I just have to deal with it when it happens.

Has anyone else ever felt this way? Can you tell me I’m not alone in this?!

(If you’re my friend and have recently had a baby and/or are pregnant ;) I promise promise promise I was and am ridiculously happy for you, and I am not a total c***a**. And I love you, and your baby. And I can’t wait to snuggle them.)



  1. February 24, 2016 / 10:58 am

    You’re not alone. I still feel like this sometimes and I have two children. We tried for 2 years for our first and had a miscarriage between the two. I think the feeling of jealousy now is around it being so easy for some people. I feel like it about births too as mine were both awful and when I hear someone had a lovely water birth I feel very jealous. I’m sure those people have had their own struggles but it’s easy only to see what they’ve had that we haven’t.
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  2. February 24, 2016 / 8:45 pm

    I can totally relate, it’s taken us 7 yrs but now our family is complete. It’s hard. Good luck ++++ with the fertility treatment, I’ve been there with my second xxx

  3. February 25, 2016 / 2:31 pm

    Hi Louise,

    Firstly, I want to tell you that you are DEFINITELY not alone. Before having my daughter I had a miscarriage and then it took quite a while to conceive again. I was immensely jealous of ladies with bumps and newborns. And do you know what? History is repeating itself. We’re trying for No.2 and I’ve had yet another miscarriage which has actually hit me even harder because it feels doubly unfair that I should have to go through that… twice! Pregnancy announcements, no matter how pleased I am for the person, bring out the worst in me. The bitterness and anger that I feel makes me feel physically sick sometimes and then I feel even worse for feeling that way. It truly is a vicious circle. I hope that, like you, once I feel my family is complete these feelings will fade forever because it’s not a nice thing to experience. I think it’s especially hard being part of the ‘mummy blogger’ community. If I had a pound for every time I read “and whoops, I turned out to be pregnant” or “and I got pregnant really fast”. It makes me feel like even more of a failure. Wishing you the best of luck with your IVF journey. Although our situations are slightly different, I relate to every word of this post so if you never need someone to talk to who knows how it feels. Just message me or whatever. :) xx
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  4. March 7, 2016 / 11:39 pm

    Your feelings are understandable, it must have been so hard. I bet your friends all know you are pleased as punch for them. All the luck if you go ahead with IVF x
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  5. March 8, 2016 / 11:27 am

    I can’t even imagine how difficult it is for anyone who can’t get pregnant. I was afraid of that when I started trying… #ShareItSunday

  6. March 8, 2016 / 1:49 pm

    Your feelings are totally normal. I have probably been a bit too lucky when it comes to my fertility but when I was broody I was still insanely jealous that we weren’t yet pregnant. I now have two boys, and want a third baby, but my hubby says no. If you go ahead with the IVF, I wish you all the luck and love in the world xx
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  7. March 9, 2016 / 12:07 am

    I never had that broody feeling before having my eldest and could never see myself having children. But after having her I was always broody and now after having my second im even worse as I know i wont be having any more! Doesn’t help that everyone is announcing atm!! Good with with the IVF when you decide to go ahead x #shareitsunday
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  8. March 9, 2016 / 5:48 pm

    You’re absolutely not on your own and here’s my story:

    We have a 20 month old little boy called Rowan and he was conceived within a month of trying. Last year we started to try for another baby stupidly thinking it would happen really quickly. Six months later and I got the big fat positive on my pregnancy test (November 2015). Three weeks later I started to bleed and after an early scan our baby had died at five week old which would have been within days of finding out. A few days later I miscarried naturally and this was a few days before Christmas.

    Two weeks later Alex walks into our bedroom to say he’s just had a message from his sister. I knew what he was about to say and I could just feel my blood boiling. He read the message out and low and behold his sister was texting to say she had just had a 12 week scan and was having a baby. I obviously couldn’t sleep that night and it was awful to hear and I’m not going to pretend that I was happy for them. I felt jealous and felt a full array of emotions.

    Now it feels like everyone has forgotten what happened to us. If any of Alex’s family mentions his sister’s pregnancy I have to run out of the room because I don’t want to hear it. I know it’s going to get worse closer to her due date as it’s two weeks before what our due date should have been. I was two weeks late with Rowan so there could have been the possibility we’d have had them within days of each other.

    Alex’s parents are due to come and stay with us in a few weeks and I’ve asked him to tell them that they aren’t allowed to mention it.

    I probably sounds like a miserable and horrible cow but I can’t deal with it at the moment.

    Before we had Rowan we went to an NCT Ante-natal class and became friends with the others in there. We started a Facebook group chat and I had to leave the group the other day after one of the girls said she couldn’t keep it in anymore and ‘had’ to tell us all that she was nine weeks pregnant. As you can imagine as I miscarried at eight weeks I thought it was extremely heartless and a bit stupid to tell us so soon. I know she’s excited but I left the group and felt a bit of a wally afterwards. But you know what only a few of them then privately messaged me the others haven’t bothered and it just shows who your real friends are.

    Anyway, I’m so sorry for going on and on and on but I hope it helps you realise that you’re not alone with your feelings and I’m glad I’ve found someone who has felt the same, even though circumstances are a little different.

    Laura x #ShareItSunday

  9. Marie
    March 11, 2016 / 3:54 am

    You are so not alone in feeling like this. I have had five rounds of IVF over the last three years, one resulting in miscarriage. We’re gearing up for lucky round number 6!! In the meantime while I feel stuck in a ditch everyone else-sister in laws, fiends seem to always be pregnant. While I try my best to stuff my own sadness down when they tell me or I see them it’s really hard, it takes everything I have not to burst out in tears or have an overwhelming sense of anger for my situation. Sometimes I’m just a bitch, as much as I try to hide it. I know my happy ending is around the corner and I refuse to give up. It’s ok to have these feelings-we’re human dealing with such a crappy hand with infertility! I’ve started blogging my feelings-seems to be a good outlet!! Best of luck!!

  10. March 19, 2016 / 11:54 pm

    You are not alone! I always wanted a baby, but never met the right person. Eventually I had IVF on my own, using donor sperm, but the years leading up to that I felt exactly like you, and I still feel that way sometimes now, when people have second and third children that I probably won’t have.
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