Today was a bad day…
…sometimes it just is isn’t it. And you have to just wait for it to pass by and the crappy feelings to pass.
I felt a bit rubbish yesterday and I’ve been a bit poorly on and off for a couple of weeks. I’ve also had an awful lot of migraines and I’m tired. But today I’ve just felt so damn low.
My daughter has been so so difficult from the very start of the day and it’s all just bringing me down. She has never ignored what I ask of her quite so much as she is doing at the moment and she denies that she’s being naughty when I tell her she is, and then gets ridiculously upset when I’m more firm with her and cries her flaming eyes out. I’m guessing it must just be a stage but it’s a bloody weird and difficult one.
I have no patience whatsoever although I must have a bit because I’ve been mostly calm when I’m talking to her. Maybe there’s some little calm part of me that’s kept separate for when I really, really need it most.
But you know those days when it feels like more than just tiredness and feeling a bit pants? Those where you can’t seem to shake off the way you feel, you lack motivation to do anything and you just want to curl up in bed and be left alone. I’m just like that today. It happens sometimes, but I HATE feeling like this and also feeling like there’s nothing I can really do about it . I know that I have to just wait for it to pass, but I hate feeling so incredibly ‘meh’ and not being able to fight my way out of it. It feels like I’m wasting time.
It’s one of those days that makes parenting really hard. I just want to be alone, or at least not have to look after anyone else. It probably sounds selfish and it probably is a bit, but it’s how I feel today. It’s half term so I don’t get a break at all and with Ava being so challenging this week I’m really struggling and it’s sh*t. Sometimes it all just gets too much doesn’t it? When Ava’s not at nursery I obviously don’t have the time to get things done that I usually do, and so I’m also very overwhelmed with everything and how much I have to do, and feeling like I’m not getting anywhere with it.
I don’t feel like myself, and yet, I know this is me and I am just sometimes like this. And I just have to wait it out. I’m ok. It’s part of life.
This too shall pass (hopefully tomorrow).