This year I have decided that for the first time I am actually going to give myself time to do things, rather than just expecting them to happen or for things to change straight away.
I know it’s pretty normal to want a change to happen straight away, and it’s not just me, but I think I’m particularly bad at giving something time to make a difference when I’ve started to make changes.
My body can change very quickly, and in the past when I start to exercise I see changes very quickly which spurs me on to keep going with working out and also encourages me to eat more healthily. But when those changes don’t happen so fast I feel like crap. I know I am very impatient which doesn’t help, but I feel like it lets me down quite often and I become so unmotivated when things don’t happen immediately.
I’ve finally realised this year that if I want the body that I’m really happy and comfortable with, then I need to give myself time to get there. So instead of expecting results straight away, I’m taking the pressure off by thinking of hopefully being where I want to be in six months time. Slow and steady wins the race.
If I can improve my body and my health over the next six months then I can feel better in time for summer, which is when I feel at my worst, when I don’t feel nice in dresses or my favourite denim shorts won’t do up (which they wouldn’t last year).
I’m also trying to go easy on myself in other ways, and trying to avoid doing things that make me feel worse. I know that every time I try those jeans on that I’m desperate to fit me again, I feel like shit when they still don’t or even worse when they seem even tighter. So instead of doing that to myself and having false hope that I’ve lost enough weight already, I’m mostly sticking to wearing some kind of leggings, whether they are normal stretchy ones, faux leather, or shiny ‘disco pant’ type things. It’s winter so I can get away with wearing a nice top, blouse or jumper with them (ones that are long enough to cover my arse, don’t worry), and not caring tooo much. It’s not really what I want to be wearing all the time, and I do care about clothes and style more than that, but for now I am helping myself to stay positive by embracing the stretchy pants.
It’s okay for me to be where I am now, and be a bit bigger than I want to be. It’s not a failing (which I often feel like it is), and it’s okay for it to take some time to improve myself and get to where I want to be and am happiest at.
I feel like I’ve been a bit of a mess over the last year, and it’s important that I work on all aspects of myself and my health and well-being – and that is going to take time. I finally feel like I can accept that. I think a lot of that is down to this time of year, and knowing that I have time before summer to hopefully feel good and more like myself again.
Also, I’ve never been one (and never will be) to go on a diet, or restrict what I eat and drink. I like food too much (and wine), and I would just be miserable if I did that. And I just don’t want to cut out wine from my life to have the body I want quicker. It is a bit of a balancing act, but I do enjoy wine, and it does help me to relax sometimes, so I’m not willing to let that go. Which does obviously mean that it can take a bit longer to get to where I want to be, so I’m determined to be alright with that.
If I do see changes before six months (which I’m sure I will) then that’s wonderful, but if not then that’s okay too. Making changes takes time and I need to keep remembering that and take the pressure off myself.
I do want to feel okay about being bigger than I was, and embracing my body however it looks, but I know I just felt so, so much better when I was slimmer and a lot more toned. It was about how I felt, not just looked. And even though I am not really that much bigger than in the past, I don’t think it suits me like this and I know how much more naturally confident I felt when I was exercising consistently and looking after myself a couple of years ago. I felt more confident and nicer in clothes, which meant I had more confidence getting out and about more, which therefore helped my head even more. It’s a vicious cycle which is hard to get out of when I’m feeling less positive about myself and the way I look, but I’m determined to get back out of it this year.
I’m feeling more positive about making changes and hopefully 2018 can be the year I get me back and feel like myself again.