When You Just Have to Stop

You know when you get ill and you can’t do anything, and you’re massively jealous of everyone going out and living life and just going out and doing whatever the hell they want…

I’ve been ill for over a week and a half now and I’m still feeling horrendous and it’s not faaaaaaair. Isn’t it just the most frustrating thing in the world, getting ill and not being able to get the things you need to done, and time just keeps passing and you keep getting more and more overwhelmed.

I’m in a place where I really, really want to work hard, write loads of posts and build up my blog again after last year being a bit shit in general. I want to sort my house out and workout regularly and really improve myself.

Yet, here I am, laying on the sofa again, feeling absolutely pants and like I’ve swallowed razorblades. It’s so infuriating! I know it’s one of those things that we just have to accept, but my god it’s so hard absolutely wanting to get on with things, but not having the energy to be able to. I find it so hard to deal with and it really gets me down, especially because it’s lasting way longer than the few days I’d expect.

I know there are much worse things in the world, but it’s driving me potty not feeling any better each day, especially when I’m trying to look after myself and feed myself the right things to help with getting well.

But I know it’s one of those times when I just have to stop. I have to give myself a break, and try to just accept things as they are – I can’t exercise right now, because I won’t be able to breathe and I don’t have the energy, I want to eat all of the food every evening, so I may as well just go with it (to a point) for a couple more days (fingers crossed). I don’t have the energy to clean the house, so it can remain messy for a bit longer, and the Christmas tree decorations can enjoy sitting in my lounge for a little longer too (yep, they’re still there). Fuck it.

I’m allowing myself to sit in my lounge, with daytime tv on, and my laptop on my knee, doing a bit of work when I feel like I can. I’m reading a book again and really enjoying it. I’m trying to fight off the guilt of not rushing around like a madwoman getting everything done as quickly as possible, although it is bloody hard, especially when I actually want to be getting shit done.

But this too shall pass, and hopefully soon I will be forgetting how bloody horrible it is to be ill, (especially as a mother), be exercising my arse off (literally I hope), and I’ll be on fire with my blog!

For now I’ll keep on hoping that I’ll feel better tomorrow!

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash